Today we needed downtime. One thing I've learned in the past four years of parenthood, is that go-go-go has to be balanced with rest-peace-quiet...otherwise, well...things can get ugly real quick! Haha!
So, today I decided just to stay home with the girls. I had a Parent-Teacher meeting at Paprika's new preschool in the evening. I had a neighbor coming over to watch the girls, so I cleaned up the house a little more so than usual.
Paprika and Ginger entertained themselves by filling up ziplock baggies with water and pretending their playdoh cut-outs were fish from the pet store.
Paprika played beauty shop with her Princess Dolls and My Little Ponies. She gave them all haircuts. Cinderella, Snow White, and a bunch of random Barbies are all sporting mullets now. Serious mullets. Oh dear.
On a more serious note, my cousin, Steve, died one month ago today...and all day I was feeling pretty sad. I don't know why anniversaries have this pull over me - I guess things are just harder on anniversary days.
Then I went to the Preschool orientation for Paprika's class and the mom next to me has twin girls and all anyone wanted to talk about was how exciting and amazing and cool it was going to be to have twin girls in the class. (And of course some people commented on the drama, and how hard it must be...and that kind of stuff, too). I just felt that bitterness rising up in me - and I was sad when I really just wanted to be normal and happy. Normal, happy, and without baggage. Not that Vivian and Annemarie are baggage. But you know? Just to be able to sit and not think about sad things.
And yet, I am so happy and grateful and amazed at the beauty in my life. I guess some days are just harder than others.
Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
-Finding Nemo
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5 comments:
That's so cute that your girls were making play-doh fish and having it swim. I love it and would never think of cool stuff like that. Sorry about having to have the twin girls in Paprika's class put such a downer on you. I can only imagine. Thinking of your girls and Steve. Maybe you can start doing something special, something that reminds you of your cousin, that he would get for each anniversary, just so in your own way you can celebrate his life and the great person he was.
Thank you for posting the "Just keep swimming". I really have needed to do just that this week.
I am sorry you had to sit through the twin amazement at Paprika's preschool. It has to be tough. I really haven't had to endure too much of that yet. But I am sure it's just another bump in this journey.
You are so positive and inspiring! Thank you so much!
Thinking of you today - you used one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies!! Hope taht the preschool goes well as I am sure it will. *hugs*
I always admire your ability to own your grief. It's most important you live in the space between what happened to you and what is currently happening to you. I think you do it marvelously.
You're honest about your pain but you still appreciate the good you have in your life (and you have a great deal of good). That's refreshing. For those of us readers who have been with you through the losses, we love to see you walk boldly towards the future.
You set a great example for your girls, living that way.
Best to you,
A
We have a lot of "down" days too, as long as I can keep the fighting to a minimum. There are a set of identical twin girls in Max's school, and I'm SO jealous it's not funny. I know my girls are still alive, but they will never be in the same class, in the same school, playing tricks on their classmates, blah blah blah. I know it's different, but typical twins strike a strange place for me too.
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