Today we had a pretty laid back day. Met up with some friends for a few hours for a little playdate. In the afternoon, I took Paprika with me to Macy's to return a sweater I bought for Indiana (to cover my shoulders at Steven's funeral). It was 900 degrees in Indiana (okay, just 103), so the sweater never got worn...so today we took it back. Of course, when we were at Macy's, Paprika saw a dress she just had to have. So, I ended up spending half of what I got back on the sweater on a new dress for her. She was so cute and good, I just couldn't deny her!
We spent a long time in the backyard today. Ginger loves blowing bubbles. She can actually blow bubbles all by herself, and she likes to take turns blowing them (especially because she's not quite as good as everyone else at blowing them yet).
She is actually blowing bubbles in this picture. I don't know, I was pretty impressed by it. She's only 13 months old!
After awhile, she decided to let everyone else take turns blowing. It was pretty cute!
Paprika and Ginger are keeping me busy. I am so sad about Steven, and yet I find I have no time to sit and think. I have to keep going...taking care of Ginger and Paprika, cleaning up after them, finding enriching things for them to do, enjoying the moments I get to spend with them. It seems so surreal that Steve is gone. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and he'll be here. I remember that after we lost Vivian and Annemarie, I had to get out of bed every day and take care of Paprika. One of the hardest things I did was keep going when all I wanted to do was fall apart. But I couldn't fall apart because I had to take care of Paprika, every single day. She needed me. She was 22 months old when they passed away.
Obviously, Steven passing away is completely different since he's my cousin, and not my baby. He was 21...they were stillborn. It's different, I know. I just miss him. I miss that I won't ever see him again this side of Heaven. I am having a really hard time with that. I'm not sure what to do with my grief. I have to keep going, and stay strong for Ginger and Paprika. I guess I have to keep blowing bubbles with them, and enjoying their every moments. I keep reminding myself that all we are promised is this moment...right now. And never take a second for granted. I know I don't...ever. I just wish Steve were here to blow bubbles, too. I bet Ginger would even let him have a turn.
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3 comments:
Beautiful post! I am so sorry for your loss!
(((hugs))) to you.
Ginger is quite the little bubble blower. Wish we were nearby to have a turn too :)
I cannot imagine the heartache you are feeling. I have lost several people that are close to me...none quite so young, but they were some of my favorite people. I am not sure if this will help, but I always imagine they are still apart of everything that happens in our lives, they just have a better seat for viewing. I imagine that they are there for me to talk to, because God is always with us. I know God wants us to grieve, and I think he wants us to turn to His shoulder and just let it all out...because the getting up everyday and taking care of those we love is done with His help and guidance! I will continue to pray for you and your family...
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