Wednesday, August 4, 2010

1448 Days

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We've been trying out different ballet classes this week. Today we went to a free one offered by a local studio- and Paprika was smitten. She'd dance anywhere, of course, and often does!

In addition to ballet classes, Paprika has been doing summer preschool in the mornings, too. She is loving it, and is having such an amazing time with it. But you know what? I am not really loving it. I think it's too much for her. She is tired the rest of the day and walks around exhausted. I've tried doing quiet time when we get home, and tried getting her to take a nap (haha!) but it doesn't work.

So, I am evaluating what to do for the Fall, and if morning preschool is even something that would work for us. Don't get me wrong, once Mr. Mustard goes back on Dancing With The Stars and is working insane hours, I will want some downtime (and at this point just taking care of Ginger is a break for me- haha). So, morning preschool 5 days/week would give me a little bit of a break. On the other hand, if Paprika's in a bad mood the rest of the day, then really is it a big help? I know, I know...such big decisions. ;-)

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Plus, more than that, I am going to miss her if she's at preschool every day. We have one year left until Kindergarten, and I guess I just want it to be one of those years that we go to Disneyland when we feel like it, spend days at the beach, and the park, wander museums, and spend days at the zoo and the Aquarium just because. You know, the way it's been for the past almost four years.

I know that part of my reluctance and ambivilence about the preschool thing has to do with me having a really hard time with my baby turning FOUR in a week and a half. I know I've always held on really tight to everything having to do with my girls (all of them), and watching this one grow up right before my eyes? Well, it's not easy.

I have LOVED three. Loved every second of her being three. I am not ready to let go of three. Not one little bit.


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Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that I get to see her grow and change. There really is no way around that. But the hard part is watching her shed her babyhood, and knowing that each stage- especially this precious three year old stage- will never be repeated by her again.

I guess one thing about motherhood that no one told me is that when your baby is born, you think you couldn't possibly love someone more than you love your baby right at that moment. I thought when Paprika was born that my heart could never feel as full of love as I felt for her on that day, in that moment. But, every day I watch her grow, I love her even more than the day before (how that's even possible, I do not know). And multiply that by 1448 days, that is a lot of love. A whole lot.

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8 comments:

Mimi said...

She's quite a ballerina! The posture and her movements are wonderful.
I'm same as you, find it hard to see them moving on to the next stage, even though I know it's inevitable and will also be exciting. My sister can never wait for them to reach the next stage!
It takes all sorts!

Southern Gal said...

Yes, it is difficult to watch them grow up and that love is more than you can fathom. What's more difficult is when your daughter cries every night for months because she doesn't want to grow up - she wants to stay five forever. Now that was a tough time. I would cry every night, too! She finally outgrew that phase. Outgrew...I think I need to go cry now.

Those pictures are adorable.

butterflymom said...

She is such a beautiful little girl...every moment with her is a gift. I can tell how you cherish every little thing with Paprika which shows what a wonderful mother you are. Paprika is a lucky girl!

Stefanie said...

I totally understand...I'm not ready for FOUR either. Doesn't FOUR just sound like such a big number for these little people we've brought up from itty-bitty newborns? :(

Is there a preschool program that would allow her to go only a couple of days a week? I've got Ian enrolled in preschool for two mornings a week this fall. I feel like it will be a good thing for him to get out and socialize, and good for me to have a little downtime. Of course, at this point we don't think we're putting him in kindergarten until six (that whole boy thing!).

I have no doubt you'll make the right decision for you and your girls. She is such an absolutely beautiful little girl (Ginger, too, of course!)--those pics of her dancing are incredible!

Brenna said...

Gorgeous photos! Do you ever print them and hang them up? If I had your skills behind the camera I think my house would be covered wall-to-wall in photographs! Paprika is such a beautiful little person, E. Good luck with the preschool decision. It DOES seem crazy to think about her going to kindergarten in a year!

McCryssy said...

I feel exactly the same way. My little lady will be going to preschool 5 mornings a week. We're doing dance class for an hour on Saturdays. I hope it's not too much for her, but she wants to do it so badly.

Kim said...

Great pictures! She is so cute. As a former preschool, kindergarten and first grade teacher, I would highly recommend preschool this year. I don't know how you'd feel about a church preschool, but many offer a choice of 3 mornings a week or 5. When I taught 4 year olds (3 days a week), the children went from 9-1. They loved eating lunch at school and playing on the playground with their friends the last hour. It will really help her transition into kindergarten (and yours, too ;) )next year. Just curious, is kindergarten half or full day in your area? Just my humble opinion. I LOVE your blog! Kim

Erin said...

Love those pictures Erika! Such a beautiful little girl. I hate that my kids are growing up too, but you know what I'm finding...each age has so many fun things about it. I was so sad for Ellie to be five and then six, but it just keeps getting better and better. I'm trying to just enjoy every minute of it...until they're teenagers! Then I'll want to rewind and start all over again. :)


And preschool? I say yes! It was a big adjustment for my kids in the beginning too, but after a few weeks of it she won't be tired anymore. She'll adjust and love it and grow and learn so much. It's so good for them socially too. Could she go for two - three days a week? I love that schedule. Then you can still have Disneyland or stay in pajamas all day days. :)