My (It's About Time) Easter Post!

I know it's already a week past Easter, and the whole rest of the world has moved on...but on the off chance anyone is feeling nostalgic, here are a few glimpses from our Easter this year.

Mr. Mustard had to work, so Grandma Pat (Mr. Mustard's mom) came down from Santa Barbara to spend the weekend with us.

Paprika wanted to hide the eggs herself, so she did...and then the girls had a great hunt to find them! Although I am pretty sure Paprika had a bit of an advantage! ;-)



The eggs all have Hershey's Kisses in them because that is the only kind of candy they will eat! Paprika is very sensitive to Red Dye 40, which is in a lot of candy. Ginger has never had Red Dye 40, so I don't know about her. Needless to say, we just stuck to chocolate, which works for all of us! :-)



I wanted to wait until Mr. Mustard was home to give out the girls' Easter baskets, so we skipped that! Of course, now it's been a week and we still haven't done baskets. And, I have quite the problem withholding gifts from the girls, so I have been giving out the Easter basket goodies every chance I get!



For the baskets, I got the girls Rapunzel dolls, books about butterflies, Rapunzel, and board books for Ginger. I also got them both huge Lindt solid chocolate bunnies. And a few other little things.

Of course, yesterday I couldn't wait any longer and gave the girls the Rapunzel dolls, and tonight I am giving them a few books. The whole Easter basket thing is starting to look more like the 8 nights of Hanukkah. Oh well. I guess it just means we get to enjoy Easter for longer! :-)



Grandma Pat brought down the most thoughtful Easter gifts for the girls! In addition to bringing dinner for both nights and little chocolate bunnies...she brought Paprika gardening tools and flowers to plant, and she brought Ginger the softest, fuzziest little doggie stuffed animal.

I had told Pat how much Paprika loves to garden...and then when Pat wanted to plant the flowers she brought, Paprika decided she didn't want to garden anymore! So, Pat planted while Paprika watched. And now, Paprika can't stop talking about the garden she and Grandma planted together. Ha! I can see how Paprika's future husband is going to fare. ;-)



Overall, it's been a great Easter. And it's still going on! I am still passing out the basket gifts, and at this rate we'll be done by Memorial Day! :-)

Did You Watch?

(photos from People.com)

I must admit, I had no intention of watching William and Kate get married. We don't have a TV or DVR, so I guess most of the hoopla just passed me by. Just when everyone was feeling oversaturated with the news coverage, I was just getting interested!



So, I joked with Mr. Mustard that I was going to stay up last night to watch it. I didn't really think I could watch it, since we don't have a TV, but then I checked online and found out that it would be streaming live, so I could watch it in real time. It was amazing! The video quality is so good these days...it was like being in the front row.



Of course, I somehow got sucked into the whole thing and watched the entire 2 hours of guests arriving, the ceremony, and the recessional! I watched it on E Online- which was great- because they give you all the low-down on who everyone is, who is wearing what, and all the inside info.

The ceremony was beautiful, and moving. I did have to laugh during the vows when they said, "For richer, for poorer..." Hahahahaha!

It was a historic night - it's not every day that you get to see the future King and Queen of England wed! I was three years old when Prince Charles and Princess Diana were married, and I think I remember seeing part of it on TV. And of course, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when Princess Diana died in 1997 (I was a Resident Assistant, R.A., in college and was doing my night-time rounds). I have to believe Diana was watching over her sons during the wedding and was so proud. I think Diana was on everyone's minds watching the wedding- at least she was on mine!

The wedding was at Westminster Abbey, which is also where Charles and Diana wed, and Diana's funeral was held...and where William and Kate will be crowned King and Queen!

So, this wedding was just one of those moments I did not want to miss! I am so glad I stayed up and watched it from midnight until 5am!!! Now I am paying the price just a little...but it was worth it! :-)

All About The Chase!

We had a little afternoon of painting in the backyard the other day. As you will see, it started off so innocently and spiraled into something a lot more messy, and a lot more fun!



Wednesday/Thursday is our "weekend" - because those are the days off for Dancing With The Stars (since it airs Mon/Tues). We had planned on doing our Easter baskets on Wed. morning - since I really wanted us all to be there for it. But, Tuesday night we were just too exhausted to put the baskets together. Then, last night...same thing! I have such cute stuff for the baskets, too!



I realized that every Easter, we always do the baskets at least the Wednesday after Easter...so next year, I really should buy everything the day after Easter for 80% off! This year I planned ahead and had it all a month in advance. Seriously- since we are not on a timeline, I could save some major moolah by waiting until the holiday sale. Live and learn, I guess.



At the rate we're going, the girls will get their Easter baskets by 4th of July! They really don't know enough to miss them - they were so happy this year to dye eggs and have some chocolate, and spend time with their Grandma Pat (who also brought them Easter presents). I am going to enjoy these relaxed years while I can!



Anyway, back to the painting party. After awhile, Ginger decided to push her stroller around the yard.



Meanwhile Paprika decided to get more creative with her painting. It's so much more fun to paint on a door than on silly old paper!



I let her do it because this door really is her door. She painted it last year right after we moved in. I had gone to see about a swingset on Craigslist (which we did not end up buying), and in the 20 minutes I was gone, somehow Paprika had painted smiley faces on it while Mr. Mustard had his back turned.



So, I kinda gave up on the door...and it brings a smile to my face when I see her paintings on it. I put Ginger down for her nap and let Paprika paint away. She had such a blast!



To me, this is a beautiful paint job! :-)



I guess it's just a simple thing...getting yourself messy with a little paint.



But it sure is fun!



So, after she left her mark on the door, she decided she wanted to chase me with paint on her hands. Of course, I ran fast...and she thought it was the funniest thing in the whole world.



I have to admit, she got really close! And if I hadn't been carrying my camera, I might have let her catch me. ;-)



In the end, sometimes it's more fun to be chased than to be caught anyway! Ha!

Doc Appointment and NT Scan!

Today I had the Nuchal Fold Ultrasound (NT Scan) - which tests for Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21), Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13, and Spina Bifida. I have had the test every pregnancy, so I kind of know the drill by now.

I was feeling really uneasy about today's appointment. Thank you for all your prayers and kind words and positive thoughts. They meant so much to me!

My expectations for today's appointment were pretty low. I was hoping that the baby's heart would still be beating, and that he or she would be growing.

When I got there, the first thing I said was, "Is the heart still beating?" And it was!

All the measurements look really good- and the baby is measuring a bit ahead. I tend to have big babies, so it looks like this one will fit right in! They also did some bloodwork (it goes with the ultrasound) and I will get the results back in a few weeks.

I was hoping that Dr. K would say that the Subchorionic Hemmorage (SCH) was gone- but no such luck. It is still there, and I am still on modified activity for the next month at least (until my next ultrasound). The SCH is about the same size as it was before, so I am thankful that even though it is not going away, it doesn't seem to be getting bigger either.

Overall, it was a pretty great, boring appointment - boring is good! I was so glad for it, especially because today was Ann's birthday! I consider myself Ann's honorary sister. Ann has a twin sister named Kari, and of course, it was her birthday today, too! Sometimes I like to think I am their long lost triplet - well, except we weren't even born in the same year. Details, details.

Mr. Mustard had the day off work today (Yay!), so when Ginger was taking her nap and he and Paprika were washing the car, I snuck off by myself to the beach. I wished I could be in Indiana celebrating their birthdays with Kari and Ann, but since I couldn't be there...I brought their spirits to the beach!

So, it was a good day!

Beyond A Reasonable Doubt

Today the girls dragged me to the beach (they were begging to go- what could I do?) It was so good to get out, and watch them play the day away in the sunshine. How could that not put a smile on your face?

I really needed today because, to be honest, the past week has been really rough. I know it has a lot to do with my attitude, and feeling defeated about this pregnancy and pregnancy, in general.



I remember when I was pregnant with Paprika, I had so much morning sickness. I was ill all the time. But I was happy because I knew that in the end, I would be holding my precious baby girl.

When I was pregnant with Vivian and Annemarie, I kept a gratitude journal. Every night I wrote down all that I was grateful for...little things, big things, silly things. Again, I was so sick, but I knew that in the end, it would all be worth it.

But it wasn't.

I went through so much in their pregnancy, just to have it end with nothing besides heartache. In some ways, I am so grateful that I had them. Other days, I wish I could go back to the person I was before I knew that kind of loss.



I have been thinking about that gratitude journal a lot lately. I remember how after I came home from the hospital after delivering Vivian and Annemarie, I couldn't look at that book. The entries end abruptly on July 10th, 2008. Just like that, my ability to write down the beauty of silly, inane things was overshadowed by sadness.

I keep thinking I should start a gratitude journal again. I have this blog, which in many ways serves as a gratitude journal for me. I am so grateful for the life I have, even if it is not quite how I imagined it.







Well, all this goes back to me being undeniably tired and sick and soooo nauseous this pregnancy. I don't know why I thought it would be any easier or better. I always forget.

But the difference this time, I guess, is that I don't really have the illusion that everything will turn out okay. That this will all be worth it in the end.



This time, I am a little more reserved. Things are less raw, for sure. But I am still in a place where I just don't know what is going to happen.

I know I need to work on my attitude, because this pregnancy is going to progress in whatever way it will, and I need to enjoy it while it is here, for however long it lasts.



Back in law school, in my class notes, I used acronyms like BRD to talk about beyond a reasonable doubt. Or MLTN to stand for more likely than not.

When I was pregnant with Paprika, I operated under the assumption that MLTN things would turn out fine.

Now I am carrying my sixth child, and two are here at home with me. Not good odds. Not good odds at all.

So, all this is to say that my attitude has been less than stellar lately. I have a hard time believing that Pavenzia will stay with us. I used to believe that your thoughts really can control what happens in your life. And to some extent, I think that is still true for some things. But as far as fertility, life, death, and the big stuff goes...I know that really it's not up to me. Whatever I do or don't do (within the bounds of responsible behavior) does not influence the outcome of this.



I went back and forth for so long...what could I have done differently with Vivian and Annemarie? But the truth is, I was perfect in my pregnancy with them. I did everything right, and it didn't matter.

When I was pregnant with Ginger, I honestly felt like it was psychological torture. I was so happy to be pregnant with her...but honestly, every day I wondered if that was the last day of my pregnancy. I was shocked when she was born alive, and then moments after she was born, she couldn't breathe, and they took her away from me, and it was so surreal. I thought we had lost her. I never assumed she would be with us longer than her first breath.



So here we are. Today was a beautiful day. We got to the beach after a disastrous morning. I threw up the Taco Bell I got for lunch. I took the girls to Trader Joe's, and left my purse on top of the car as we drove away. Everything was going so wrong, but then all of a sudden, I took a little vacation from my worry, and sickness, and we had this glorious time at the beach together.

I am not sure what tomorrow holds for any of us...least of all the baby I am carrying. But I do know that today was good, despite the rough spots. My next ultrasound is Wednesday. I hope Pavenzia is still with us then, but if not...at least we had today in the sun.

Funny Things!

I know everyone is knee-deep in Easter festivities today- and we are, too! We just had our own little egg hunt in the backyard. I will post pictures later- they are still on my camera...and I got some cute ones!



The whole Easter egg hunt reminded me of a lot of the funny things Paprika and Ginger have been doing and saying. I need to write these things down. Here goes!

Earlier today, we were filling our plastic eggs with chocolate, and I told Paprika we would leave them out for the Easter bunny to hide tomorrow. She looked at me like incredulously, and said:

We don't need the Easter Bunny to hide our eggs! I can put on my rabbit ears and hide them myself!

Then she did.

She and Ginger went and hid all the eggs, and then helped me and her Grandma Pat find them in the backyard. So I guess Grandma and I had the Easter Egg hunt today! ;-)

Hide and seek is big in our house. Paprika is always coming up with the best places to hide...



Like inside a tiny box!



A few more Paprika funnies...

Lately, her songs have been the funniest because she never gets all the words quite right. Her newest song she loves to sing to Ginger is Mary Had a Little Lamp.

Yes, lamp.

When I asked her what color the lamp shade was, she said: "It's as white as snow, of course!"

Last night she told me she wants two more sisters and two brothers. She said: My two new sisters will be named Pavenzia and Elliana. Then I will have a brother named Jakey. Then I will have a brother named Quesadilla.

Then when she realized that she said Quesadilla for a name, she cracked up for about half an hour.



Ginger does funny stuff, too. Okay, some of it is more gross than funny. Like last night when she dipped her toothbrush in the toilet and then brushed her teeth with it. That was awesome!



I think the funniest thing about Ginger is that she thinks everything is funny. If anyone even starts to laugh, she has to outlaugh them. Even when she has no idea why she's laughing! It's a little bit contagious.

Hope your Easter is a good one. :-)

Daddy's Girl!

Thank you for all the wonderful comments you left on my last post! You guys helped me so much...seriously! I was wavering in my decision, and then when I read what you had written...it affirmed what I knew in my heart. I knew what I needed to do.

Today, I hand delivered our acceptance to the Developmental Kindergarten program. I was going to mail it, but the post office is twice the distance as the place the letter was going...so I figured I would make sure it got there!

So, it's done. If things don't work out, we can always do a private Pre-K, or just go straight to Kindergarten. But for now, this is the plan. And I feel at peace with it. Really.

I was so heartened to hear that many of you have been through the same decision-making process...I am not alone. Yay!!!



So, after we dropped Paprika off at preschool, the rest of us headed to the beach. It was a perfect beach day!

Mr. Mustard has been working really crazy insane hours lately. Really. Today was the first time in a long while when we could really spend some time together. And I was so grateful for it.



Ginger has become quite the daddy's girl. When he is here, she is like...Mommy, who? She waits at the window for him to come home at night - her little nose pressed up against the glass.

I know people think it's crazy that my kids stay up so late every night (they go to bed at midnight...and wake up at 10 or 11 in the morning).

But seriously, Ginger and Paprika both live to have their daddy tuck them into bed at night. So that's how we make it happen! I know it's not everyone's reality...but it really does work for us at this point in our lives. Mostly. We never get to make those 10am playdates, but I think seeing their dad most nights and having some quality time with him before bed makes up for it.



Needless to say, Ginger was tickled to have a little one on one time with the both of us...especially her daddy!



We even managed to get a picture of the three of us. I think we posed like dorks...but don't pay attention to that!



The picture looks a little like Abbey Road. Kinda? What do you think?



Even though most of our stroll along the beach I felt like throwing up in a trash can, it was still so nice to get out in the fresh air. Ginger even let me hold her on my lap for a millisecond (she was trying to escape as this picture was being taken).



And then she was off! Thankfully, I wasn't the only one chasing her today! It makes all the difference in the world.