Vivian Margaret and Annemarie Patricia

Vivian Margaret, July 12, 2008, 4:56pm

Annemarie Patricia, July 12, 2008, 5:14pm

It is with terrible sadness that I tell you that we have lost our precious twin daughters. They both passed away in utero from a sudden and catastrophic onset of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. One twin was flooded with fluid and blood while the other was deprived of blood and fluid. We are overcome with overwhelming grief. I feel like my heart has broken and will never recover.

I went into labor on Friday, July 11th, and I was admitted to the Labor and Delivery unit at Cedars-Sinai. At 4:56pm on July 12th, after a long and painful 18 hours of labor, Vivian Margaret was born into the hands of the Dr. D, the obstetrician in the room. Our wonderful nurse, Naomi, wrapped her in a blanket and asked me if I wanted to hold her, and I said that I did. I held her for a few minutes while I continued laboring with Baby B, Annemarie Patricia. Vivian was so beautiful- tiny and perfect. She was perfectly formed, with sweet little hands and features. Her eyes were open and blue. It was hard to let her go even for a moment.

By that time, Dr. K, my OB, (who is an angel), came and broke Annemarie's water. He tried to get to the room in time to deliver Vivian, but she came too fast. Annemarie Patricia was born at 5:14pm on Saturday, July 12th into Dr. K's hands. She was wrapped in a blanket and I held her for a few moments. Like Vivian, she was so perfect, small, and wonderful. All her features were beautiful and tiny. Her hands were laying by her side and everything about her was gorgeous, right down to her perfect little fingers.

After I held Annemarie for a few moments, Dr. K and Dr. D began trying to deliver my placenta. There were some complications with delivering it and it took about an hour and a half for them to fully remove the placenta. I lost a lot of blood and my blood pressure was dropping below 80/40.

After the placenta was delivered, we were given time (as much as we needed) to hold the babies and say goodbye. The nurse wrapped them in blankets and we were able to hold them, take pictures, and have some private time. We arranged for a pastor to come and bless the babies and spend time with us while we had them in our arms. The pastor, Denise, was wonderful- a truly spiritual woman. She treated our family with dignity and respect and prayed with us for the babies to one day reunite with us in Heaven, to know that we love them now and for always, and to pray for them to know our love and God's love. She also prayed for Mr. Mustard and me, for us to hold one another up, to let us know peace, and to help us mourn the loss of our babies. It was a really special time that I cherish.

After the pastor left, we spent more time together just Mr. Mustard, me, Annemarie, and Vivian. Then Tien, our wonderful nurse from the night before, came back. She was creating a memory box for us and wanted to take the babies to dress them, take their footprints, and take some photos for us. Mr. Mustard and I spent the next half hour- just the two of us- in the labor and delivery room, talking, crying, and holding each other. Tien came back with the girls and we held them again for a few more moments to say goodbye. We wanted to hold them forever and never let go, but we knew it was time to say goodbye. Their souls were no longer in their bodies, and we knew that no matter if their bodies left us, they would always be in our hearts and minds, always with us, watching over us and Paprika as our guardian angels.

Our little girls are in our hearts, we love them, and we will never forget them. We are so grateful for the time we had with them, and although we are incredibly sad, we are happy for the moments we did have with them and the blessing and honor of being able to be their parents.

Thank you all for being so supportive during this incredibly difficult time for our family. We will never forget your kindness, your sympathy, and the love that you have for us and our family. You are in our hearts. Bless you all so much.