Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Overwhelming Gratitude

I want to say thank you for the enormous outpouring of love and support. I have never experienced such kindness and generosity. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to everyone who has reached out to us in this time of darkness and grief for our family. The flowers, plants, meals, cards, emails, and other gifts you have sent have meant so much. I am saving all the cards and emails, and taking photos of all the flowers, plants, and other gifts- and will be saving everything in a memory box for us to remember Vivian and Annemarie.

I want to thank you all personally- and will in time- I just had to say thank you now because my heart is full of love and gratitude for how thoughtful and generous everyone has been. It makes me happy to know that Vivian and Annemarie will be remembered not just by our family, but also by our extended family of friends and loved ones.

I haven't been making phone calls- I just can't talk to anyone right now. I have to admit that I am overwhelmed with grief and sadness. Some moments it just feels too much to bear. I am taking it moment by moment.

Paprika is, of course, a bright ray of joy in our lives and remains oblivious to the fact that life has changed. Mr. Mustard is immersing himself in his work, which is therapeutic for him. I am glad that he has work as a distraction, and that he loves his work as much as he does. It is a blessing.

Tomorrow we will hopefully be able to pick up Vivian and Annemarie's ashes from the funeral home. In a way, I am looking forward to having their ashes home with us. It feels horrible being apart from them.

Mr. Mustard and I have always felt that we are open to the children God gives us, in whatever form and whenever they come. Parenting children that have passed away is different than how I parent our living child because we cannot physically be together. Even though Vivian and Annemarie are no longer with us in body, I love them the same and think about them every bit as much.

I pray that God will give us some peace and will heal our broken hearts. Vivian and Annemarie, we love you.

Thank you all so much for supporting us and loving us as we heal and grieve. Your support and kindness gives me hope and lifts me up.

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