Thursday, December 14, 2006


Now that the holidays are upon us and it seems like everywhere you look there's an advertisement imploring us to spend, spend, spend- I have just been feeling, well, very connected to what's really important and grateful for all of the blessings in my life. This past year has been incredible for us, and the outpouring of love and support has just been miraculous. I feel so grateful for the help and love of our family and friends. Life is so good, I could just burst sometimes!

Having Paprika has taught me so much about life, about what's important, and about continually striving to become a better person. Who knew that becoming a mommy to a precious, innocent soul could be so incredibly fulfilling? I guess a lot of parents know that, and now I know that, too.

I am really grateful for all that we have, for our family, and for the joy of waking up each day. Things are challenging, yes, sometimes, but these last few months I've found a deeper happiness than I ever thought could have existed. I have been happy in the past, yes, but not this deeply happy. I cherish every day, every moment now, and there's a part of me that is a little fearful that somehow this could all be taken away from me in a moment. I guess that's the fearful side we all have, but anyway, it just makes me not take anything for granted, not for a second.

I'm not trying to rush things with Paprika, I'm just enjoying each and every moment and every stage. I'm not pushing her into solids, I'm not ready for her to walk. I know these things will happen, but I'm not rushing her infancy away by wishing for the next stage. Every stage is just too precious to even think about the next one.

This year I feel like I've discovered the meaning of life- what it's all really about and what the purpose of life is. It's different for everyone, I guess, but for me that purpose is to be truly happy and enjoy the gift of life. Being a parent and watching our family grow makes me shine from the inside out, and it's more valuable to me than any amount of money or fancy job, or title, or outwardly prestigious marker.

All I really want for Paprika is for her to be happy. I'm not concerned about whether she is an academic superstar, or a great athlete, or anything like that. I want her to be joyously content with her life, to enjoy all of its stages, to be gentle with herself, and to be kind to others. More than anything, I want for her to feel the happiness that I feel right now and to know that she is so deeply and profoundly loved by her friends, her family, and especially by her mommy and daddy.

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