DIY Family Photos!

Mr. M and I have been a couple for about 12 years now, and I have learned a thing or two. Basically, the fastest way for me to get Mr. M to do something is for me to book an appointment for someone else to do it.

Like, if I book an appointment for Daisy Dog to get professionally groomed, I know I will walk out on the back porch 20 minutes before her grooming appointment, and find Mr. M with a pair of shears and and a half-shaven dog.

I have scheduled movers only to have Mr. M cancel the moving company 48 hours before the move and rent a U-Haul instead.

Or like when I finally hired a painter to paint our family room (after months of talking about us painting it). Three hours after I hired the painter, Mr. M cancelled the painter and was in line at Home Depot buying paint.

I could go on with examples for days. Haha. The point is, on Friday night, I told Mr. M that I wanted to get professional photos of our family taken. I contacted a photographer, and set up an appointment for next month.

Next thing you know, Mr. M is dusting off the tripod and saying that we will take our own family photo first thing in the morning. Haha! I have been trying to get a family photo for MONTHS...maybe YEARS. Who knew all I had to do was book an appointment with a pro?

So, Saturday we stopped at the park and tried our hand at doing our own family photos, using our camera's timer and a little tripod. It would have gone great but one person (ahem, Ginger...) was not the most cooperative, so we made this "trial run" short and sweet. ;-)

Here is the best photo we got. All things considered, I am pretty happy with it! :-) I don't know if it's Christmas card material, but it's the best shot we have of the five of us.



This one was okay, but not great. The depth of field was super shallow, so we're not all in focus. Ugh! Next time I will use a different lens. We used our 50/1.2 lens, and it just doesn't give you a lot of wiggle room in terms of focus.



This one would be great if Violet were looking at the camera. I even tried to take her head from another picture and swap it in, but I couldn't get it to work! It just ended up looking weird.




Me and two of the girls. This was one of the times Ginger was not cooperating! Ha!



And here's just a fun one of Paprika. She thought the photo shoot was really fun, and could have kept going all day, I think! :-)



So, that was our little DIY Family Photo Shoot. I hope we can try again soon, and get some more pictures. I also hope we can get some professional photos done - but if not, then it's always fun to make these self-portraits on our own.

Do you take your own family pictures? Have you ever tried your camera's timer function? I think I need to get more comfortable with it - it is so great to have pictures of yourself with your kids. I know that's one thing I'd like to focus on (no pun intended - ha!) in the future...

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The Rain Came Down!

(Photos by the ever-talented and amazing Carly Marie Dudley - a true angel walking on Earth, who I get the honor of calling my friend. Find her work here, here, and here)

The first strange thing about yesterday is that it rained. In Southern California, in July, that doesn't happen. We had made plans to go to the beach at sunset and throw flowers off the end of the pier in honor of Vivian, Annemarie, Steven, and Kambry.

Originally we were going to let off balloons, but then I kept thinking about the poor birds and sea life, and littering...and so flowers seemed like a good compromise. ;-) But then it started drizzling, and that drizzling turned to rain. And I felt like the sky was crying, but it was alright. It seemed appropriate somehow.



When Paprika woke up in the morning, the first thing she said was that she didn't know how to get two slices of chocolate cake up to Heaven. "What are we going to do? Get a balloon. Or an airplane?" So sweet.

We had a busy day planned, which was pretty much on purpose. Paprika had a double swim lesson, which means she had a private lesson first and then right after that, she had a group swim lesson with three other kids.

Paprika got to her lesson, and the teachers were all in the pool while the kids waited on the bleachers for the lessons to start. The teachers called Paprika into the pool by herself. Then, they asked me if they could take some pictures of Paprika for the upcoming brochure with their new underwater camera. It was just really special that they wanted her. She is so happy at the pool, and everyone there loves her. It's a place where she just fits. On a day when I didn't really want to smile, that made me smile so big. It's the little things.



Then, after a quick trip home for a shower, we headed out to Paprika's first piano lesson. Ginger met a little girl at the studio and was having a ball playing with her in the waiting room while Paprika worked with her teacher. Violet was along for the ride - happy to hang out in the Ergo and check out the world around her.

I snapped this photo with my cellphone (through the studio's window):



Then, we stopped at the little park for an hour for the girls to play some more. It started to rain again, so we headed home before the clouds broke open.

At just about the time that Vivian and Annemarie were born (4:56 pm and 5:14 pm), it started to really rain! I knew at that point that there wouldn't be a beach trip at sunset...but that's okay. I ended up taking Violet for a walk in the rain (big umbrella) late last night, and that brought its own peace.

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene

I know things do get easier every year. The things that would have been crippling four years ago are not as acutely painful today. Yesterday, for example, at Paprika's piano studio there were identical twin four year old girls who looked JUST like mini-Paprikas (with the little knot dresses and all).

Four years ago seeing identical twin girls the same age as my girls slayed me. I think I will always notice twin girls, and I will always think about Vivian and Annemarie when I see them. But, hopefully, as the years go on that pain I have will turn more to gratitude...for the fact that I had them at all, for the impact they've had on our lives, and for the wisdom that has come from losing them. That is my hope, anyway.

Happy Birthday to my sweet second and third born daughters. I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always. As long as I'm living, my babies you'll be.

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Put On A Happy Face!

I have been having a tough week. Just a lot of personal drama going on, and then to top it off, this is Vivian and Annemarie's birthday week.

Today is the day four years ago when I found out that Vivian and Annemarie had passed away in utero. I went into labor and after 18 hours of painful labor, they were born tomorrow (July 12th).

I always think "this day four years ago, I was doing THIS." Or that. Or at this time four years ago, I was supremely happy.

And, I still AM happy. I am happy, goshdarnit. But sometimes, I am so sad, too.

Today was one of those days. Nothing went as planned. Then, at 6pm, I got a text that Mr. M would be working very late. On this show, he usually gets home around 8:30 (which is early-ish for him), so when he said very late...well, I knew that meant midnight-ish (or later).

Our nextdoor neighbors are doing horribly noisy construction (I swear I live on the noisiest street EVER)...and so I have to keep my windows closed all day because of the noise. It is so loud, it makes my house shake. But, then we don't have air conditioning, so if I close the windows, we roast inside the house. They were still working past 6pm, and I was about to have a meltdown!



So, I made a quick decision to scrap making dinner, throw the kids in the van, go to McDonald's and then to the playground.

The girls were so very good tonight. I mean, if I didn't know better, they were reading from a script on how to be adorable, good sisters. They were hugging eachother, telling me how much they love being sisters and best friends. It was over the top.

I see these girls, and well...it makes me realize all that I do have.

I have A LOT.

Whenever I am feeling so sad about Vivian and Annemarie, and wanting to join them in Heaven (yes, I have those days)...I look at these girls and know that THIS life that I have right now would never be if Vivian and Annemarie were still alive.

It is the biggest conundrum I can fathom.



I would not live in the house I live in, and probably wouldn't live by the beach. We would have moved a year earlier and so this house would not have been available. We only started to visit this beach community because of the fires in Pasadena the year Ginger was born (to escape the smoke).

We probably would have moved to San Marino for the schools (because it's close to Pasadena...unlike where we live now), and so everyone I have met here, I would not know. Everyone my girls will grow up with would be different. Different best friends. Probably different colleges, and different future spouses. The entire course of their lives would be entirely different.

It kind of blows my mind...that alternate reality where I am raising four year old identical twin girls and everything is different.

I often feel like one life ended four years ago today, and a new life began. Life 1.0 ended and then now I have Life 2.0.

It's hard to explain it exactly, but everything changed four years ago today. The person I am today is very different than the person I was four years ago. In some ways, it's good. I have learned so much, and become so much stronger through this process.

But, on the other hand, Life 1.0 was pretty great, too. It was easier and answers were always simpler. Sometimes I'd like to go back and visit, but that life doesn't exist anymore.



All five of my girls have been amazing gifts, and the fact that two of my girls aren't here for me to raise...it doesn't change their importance to me or my love for them.

Even if no one else thinks about them anymore (and that is tough for me to swallow), they still are important and they still have value in our family. Even when you can't see them, they are always there.



So, I am just bracing myself for getting through tomorrow...their birthday. I actually dread the day and will try to keep myself distracted. Vivian and Annemarie share the same birthday as my cousin Steven (who passed away in 2010 at the age of 21), and also Kambry (my friend's daughter who died a few hours after birth in 2006).

What is it about July 12th?

So, four special angels will be on my mind tomorrow. I wish they were all here still, and wish that things were different. The number one thing I have learned is that we have very little control over the big things in life, so I am just going to enjoy the day as best I can and put on a happy face.

I know there is much to smile about. And life...it does go on.



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Down At The Schoolyard!

We've spent a lot of time lately trespassing...I mean...hanging out at Paprika's school. Part of it is getting her acquainted with the new playground/outdoor area she'll be at in the Fall in Kindergarten. And part of it is just because it's a fun place to go for the girls, and well...it's fenced. Which, in my book, is always crucial when you've got kids like mine. Haha!



We usually pick up lunch on the way over - Rubio's is the current favortie. :-)



So, anyway, this is basically how we spent last weekend. I am trying to think of what else we did, but at the moment it's not coming to mind. I know we did more than just hang out at the park. But then again, I had a to-do list a mile long of things I wanted to get accomplished this weekend (putting away laundry was at the top of that list)- and on Sunday night, I realized I had accomplished nothing. Like, not even one load of laundry was put away. Ha!



But, I know we did take the girls to ice cream. And there was a trip to Home Depot somewhere in there. And we put up a little fence in our front yard to keep out irresponsible dog walkers.

I think Ginger's shirt pretty much sums up what I'm saying here. ;-)



Mostly, though, we just did a lot of playing at the park and playground on Saturday and Sunday.

On Sunday, we brought the bikes. Paprika's bike is kinda big for her. I actually found it at Goodwill and snatched it up faster than you can say Jack Rabbit. It was a heckuva find. She was pretty nervous about riding it (even after we got training wheels on it) - so I am not sure if she was riding the bike, or she was just sitting on something while I pushed her. Not sure.



Ginger chose her own outfit for bike riding. I guess she wanted to be protected. Haha!



Eventually, Ginger ditched her bike and Paprika ended up riding Ginger's bike. Paprika thought that was so funny, and actually ended up loving the little bike. Then, Mr. M ended up riding Paprika's bike.



It was all kinds of crazy. What can I say, we know how to party. :-)



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She Did It!

(Photo: Paprika at the Mall, moments after picking out her Lotso Bear!)

On the 4th of July, Paprika (age 5) finished her 100 Book Challenge!

The 100 Book Challenge was a deal we made that if she read me 100 different books outloud, she could go to the Disney store and pick out her very own Lotso Bear.

I am not sure exactly the date that we started the challenge, but I think it was mid-May because that's the last time we were at Disneyland...and she started talking about wanting Lotso Bear after that trip.

Prior to the challenge, Paprika had been a very reluctant and not a confident reader. I wanted her to get comfortable reading, and so that's why I decided to incentivize her a bit. I chose some books that were easy for her (to build confidence) and some books that were challenging (to build skill).

I let her choose many of the books, but I had to be careful to make sure they were "in range" for her reading abilities. I didn't want her to get discouraged by choosing books that were too far over level. By the same token, I didn't want her picking books that were "too easy" just to add up more books read. So, I cleared out a bunch of books and made available books that I knew she would enjoy reading outloud.



I made a little list that we call Secret Chart - basically, it's a list that I hide in our secret hiding place (the top of her closet) when we're not reading. It's "secret" so that Ginger doesn't take it and destroy it! ;-)

I always read a few stories to her every night at bedtime (we just don't count those on the list). And she would be reading me stories anyway. But this just sort of got her excited about reading, so that she was pushing herself to read more than I was pushing her.



I had figured we might finish this weekend, but on Wednesday (July 4th), she was only 6 books from finishing, so she decided to power through and go get Lotso on the holiday!

We had originally planned to take her to Disneyland to get Lotso, but because it's summer and soooo hot and crowded there, we opted for the Disney Store. She was so excited about that. She's been to Disneyland one hundred times, but this was her very first trip to the Disney Store! She was beyond excited...I think even more so than if she'd gone to Disneyland. Ha!



When we got to the store, we wanted to include Ginger but didn't want to overshadow Paprika's accomplishment. Paprika really wanted Ginger to get something, too, so we ended up getting Ginger a cute Little Mermaid sippy cup. Both the girls were dancing on clouds when we left - all for a little bear and a sippy cup.

Paprika was so proud of herself. I know that when she looks at that Bear, she feels very proud of herself and how far she has come.

She started out an insecure reader before the challenge. In the past almost two months, she has become quite confident and she really enjoys reading. Her fluency has improved so much, and she has started reading books just for fun to Ginger and Violet.



The funny thing is that I think she began to enjoy the challenge even more than me. When we were at the Disney Store, she saw this nightgown that she really wanted (from the movie Brave) - and when we got home, she asked if we could do Secret Chart again to earn that nightgown.

So, now we have a new Secret Chart to start! Except this time, I am mixing it up. We are going to still keep reading outloud for fun (obviously) - but I want her to work on her writing/penmanship skills. So, this secret chart will be about writing books. Paprika has always loved writing her own stories. So, she has decided to write 50 books (written and illustrated)- and once she completes that, she can go get a Brave nightgown.

She actually wanted to write 100 books, but that seemed a little over the top, considering it takes a lot of work for her to write and illustrate each book. I want it to be fun and the right length of time.

I figured 50 books is going to be enough of a challenge for now...especially because she really takes her time writing her books. I will do a post on that later (how we make the books) - it's quite easy and super fun. She's been writing books on her own since last summer, so this is just a way to get her excited about working on her writing skills and using her creative mind to illustrate her stories.

Here are a few videos of her reading on the last day of the challenge. These videos are mostly for the grandparents (Haha!) - they are a little long, but so precious to me. If you watch them, you can hear Paprika reading in her "voices" - it seriously cracks me up!

Here she is reading Book #100 - Are You My Mother?:



Reading Frog and Toad, Cookies:




Reading Frog and Toad, Dragons and Giants:




Reading Mouse Tales - Very Tall Mouse and Very Short Mouse:



So, that's it! I am so proud of Paprika and so happy that she has developed such a love of reading...one that hopefully we can continue to nurture in her as she grows. I hope her newfound confidence in reading helps her in school, especially as she starts Kindergarten this fall! :-)

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