Auntie Ann Visits!

Auntie Ann came to visit us from Tuesday night until early this morning. We did so much on her visit here, and yet there was so much more to do, too!

We squeezed in a few trips to the beach. The week before she came, it was sooo hot and sunny. Then, she arrived from a chilly Indiana autumn only to find out that it was the same temperature here this week as it was there! (Mostly). Even with the cool temps, we still had a blast!



I am just increasing all the time! The first night Ann was here, I ended up at the hospital in the Labor and Delivery unit for very bad contractions. I stayed overnight, and Ann stayed with the girls while Mr. M came with me to the hospital. The girls had a great time bonding with Ann while I made sure everything was okay with Pavenzia!

It turned out to be a false alarm, and although the doctors could tell I was having big contractions, nothing was happening, so I got sent home! The rest of the week, I tried to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as possible!

Here I am last week at 36 weeks pregnant! I am feeling big, big, big. Eating is getting harder (I can just eat a little bit now...my stomach is so squished!) Rolling over, getting up, and getting out of bed takes some premediated thought and a little planning (and a lot of maneuvering). Things are not as simple as they were a short 10 weeks ago! I have to walk really slowly and have gotten used to pretty much always being in some sort of pain. I guess that is just nature's way of getting a women excited to give birth. Haha!

Grandma Pat arrives on Thursday and I am crossing my fingers and toes (and everything else- ha!) in hopes that Pavenzia does not arrive before Pat gets here. If I have to go to the hosptial, Pat is staying home to watch the girls while I deliver at the hospital with Mr. M. My dad comes next week for two weeks, so we should be covered here on the homefront, assuming I can just last until Thursday. (Again, fingers crossed and knock on wood!)



In the meantime, I have lots to do to keep me busy! Ann helped me pick out some last minute items at Tar-jay the other night. Of course, I had to ride the motorized scooter around the store. Any excuse to ride that thing, and I'll take it! :-) Seriously, though, walking around the store at the end of the day was just not an option!

I have lots more pics of Auntie Ann's visit, which I hope to upload soon! I wasn't great about taking pictures while she was here (I did not even get out my DSLR!) but...I have some really cute ones of her with the girls. Those pictures (and the memories) are going to have to hold us all over until our next visit. Living far away from people you love can be really difficult sometimes. But I guess it just makes the time we do have that much sweeter.

Lucky Shirt

I am now 18 weeks pregnant with Pavenzia. I took this picture on Wednesday, Paprika's last day at her preschool (in the bathroom mirror- so pardon the decor!) Pavenzia is getting bigger and overall is being pretty sweet to her mama. I can't wait to see her at my next ultrasound (in a week).



This picture was taken on June 10, 2006 - so five years ago today. In this picture, I am 7 months pregnant with Paprika!



And here I am, pregnant with Ginger. This picture was taken in March 2009, so I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant here!



I never wore this shirt when I was pregnant with V&A (I think it was tucked away in a box somewhere). It's not my favorite shirt, but it's tradition and I hope it carries with it a bit of luck! It may be a bit out of style, but what can I say...it's grown on me over the years! :-)

Calling Ma Ingalls!

Thank you all so much for all the kind words and congratulations. I have been wanting to spill the beans for awhile, and was hoping to wait until at least 12 weeks...but then when I found out about the subchorionic hemmorage, I just knew I needed your support. You all made me feel so good, and so loved. So, thank you!



Since I found out about the SCH, I have been taking it super easy. I have put myself on a sort of modified bed rest...which basically means I act as lazy as possible while still taking care of my house and kids.

I have been feeling pretty guilty about just staying home and not going anywhere with the kids- no fun trips to the beach or park...but I also know it's what's best for the baby right now and this is so temporary.



I keep thinking about how back in the time of Laura Ingalls Wilder, they didn't go to the museum, or to the park. And during the winter, they were stuck inside their 600 square foot log cabin all day long. So, considering we've got roses blooming in the backyard, and things to be planted, and ladybugs crawling around just waiting to be caught...I'd say it's not so bad!



This pregnancy, I have been having the worst morning sickness. I think it's probably the same as it always is, but having to take care of two little ones while fighting all day long nausea and fatigue is kicking my butt! The only thing that helps is for me to eat, eat, eat. I had planned on only gaining the recommended amount...but at this rate, I may end up over 800 pounds by the time this pregnancy goes full-term (if I am lucky enough to get there).

But even though I'm kinda feeling super miserable at the moment, I know it will pass in time, and just hope that it's a good sign for the pregnancy.

Paprika has been having a great time adding to our insect menagerie. We still have the Painted Lady butterfly- she takes her out to play every day. She has even been trying to make her prosthetic wings so she can fly...and she's not giving up on the idea.

We also now have the ladybug, who sleeps in Paprika's room next to her in a little covered glass. And we also have a snail collection going, since the last time it rained she had to collect a pair!

Ginger is having a great time playing with Paprika, and thinks that making messes is the most wonderful thing in the world! More on that later... :-)



(P.S. That sippy cup isn't for Paprika. It's where we put the ladybug when we found her- I had to act quickly and it was the first thing I grabbed in the kitchen!)

Big Surprise!

I have something I've wanted to share with you all for about 5 weeks now. As I have mentioned before, we decided to stop trying to conceive (TTC) back in December. We decided to just be happy with the two living children we have, and focus on the here and now.

Well...five weeks ago, we got quite a surprise.



Two weeks ago, we saw this little one peeking at us from the doctor's ultrasound.



Today, I had another ultrasound where we got to see our little one again.



It's been quite a whirlwind and so surprising...after talking to fertility doctors who said that we would definitely need help to get pregnant, here we are. Needless to say, we are so grateful and happy.

I am almost 9 weeks pregnant.



Our newest member of the family is due November 11, 2011...or 11/11/11! How is that for lucky?

Things are looking pretty good. Before today, I would have told you that all was perfect. But today's ultrasound gave us good news and bad news.

The good news is that the baby is growing perfectly, and has a very good, strong heartbeat.

The bad news is that I have a Subchorionic Hemmorage (SCH). Basically, it is a blood clot surrounding the baby, which can cause a lot of problems...miscarriage, stillbirth, placental abruption, and pre-term labor. Here is more information about it, in case you are interested.

My SCH is fairly large and is in a not-so-great place to be. So, I am taking it as easy as I can, and avoiding exercise, etc.

I have another ultrasound in three weeks, and hopefully at that point the SCH will either have reabsorbed, or the baby will be bigger and better able to handle the pressure being put on it by the SCH.

If you are a praying person, or even a "positive thoughts" person, we would welcome your love at this time. We have become quite attached to this baby and we really don't want to say goodbye...

Paprika has named the baby "Pavenzia" - which is a story for another day. So, if you want to visualize the baby, Paprika says she's a baby girl with brown hair and brown eyes. We won't be able to tell the sex for another two months! But, I guess she has a 50% chance of being right.

So, that's my news. Surprise! :-)

The Unexpected Gravy

We were in Indiana over Ginger's birthday, and I never really got to blog about my feelings on her reaching a year. I posted that video (which I made before we left on vacation)- but of course it doesn't have words...and I find myself feeling so different at the close of Ginger's first year than I ever expected I would feel.

The first year of Ginger's life was very different for me compared to the first year of Paprika's. I'm not talking about being a parent "the second time around" (as people like to say) or being more relaxed, or feeling more comfortable. No, not that.

I'm talking about how different it is to fall in love after horrible and tragic loss. What it feels like to love someone so much but be scared that it could all end at any moment. The only thing I can really compare it to is having your heart broken and learning to love again. But it's a thousand (a million?) times stronger than that.

Before Ginger was born, the only hope I had for her was that she would be born alive. That's it. I wanted to meet her and watch her take a breath, and I never really thought past that point. I wanted her to be healthy, sure...but I knew that even if she had health problems, it would be okay as long as she was alive when she was born. I just wanted to stare into her eyes for a moment and have her stare back at me and smell her sweet breath. It was a dream I had with our twins...but of course they had passed away by the time I gave birth to them, and although I got to hold them, I really wanted see them alive.

So, in the few moments after Ginger was born she had already fulfilled all of my parental expectations for her. It sounds funny to say that, but it's true. Everything since that point has been gravy...unexpected, glorious, and sweet gravy.

One of the hardest parts about being a parent "this time around" is opening my heart and letting myself love with every corner of my being: risking that, of course, it could all end tomorrow. It is so hard sometimes. But I find Ginger is patient with me in ways that I never could have imagined. Each day her smile breaks my weary heart into a million pieces, wrapping herself around its very core. She has intertwined herself into my soul, and it's just...oh, I don't know...too powerful for words.

With Paprika, I expected to love her with every fiber of my being. I expected to be enamoured by each milestone, each new expression. With her, my love was so new. I had never experienced the heartache of saying goodbye for a lifetime, and I never thought I would.

With Ginger it's different, but it's also the same. Each day as I watch Ginger grow, I can't help but think of Vivian and Annemarie, and what they would be like now. Each day I watch Ginger grow I feel my grief opening up, and I feel myself healing in all of my broken places. When she takes my face in her hands and pulls herself up to kiss me on the lips over and over again (this is her new trick), I think to myself, "How could I have ever known that she would be so sweet, so pure, so innocent, so magical?"

So, this first year of Ginger's life...it's really been a love story. About how a broken heart can heal in the broken places. Not ever fully, of course. But how a soul can learn to laugh again, and sometimes even cry...knowing that there still is joy in the world.

She gave me hope. She gave us all hope. And to think all I ever wanted was for her to be born alive. I would say that she's gone pretty far and above that. Each day...each moment with her, is an unexpected blessing that I cherish in the root of my soul and never, ever (not even for a second) take for granted.

Due Date!

Today is my due date...June 27th, 2009. Today I would have been 40 weeks pregnant with Ginger, had she not made her entrance into the world 9 days early!

She is a sleepy little baby, a mellow one, and overall just a wonderful addition to our little family.

Happy Due Date, Ginger! I am glad you decided to make your entrance a little early!

Ginger's Birthday!

Ginger Sunshine
Born June 18, 2009
8 Pounds, 11 ounces
20.5 inches long
Perfect, healthy, and very loved!



Ginger came into the world after an intense, natural, and surprising labor! On Wednesday morning, I had the feeling I might be going into labor. We asked Mr. Mustard's mom to come down to Los Angeles just in case. All day long, I felt contractions that were getting more intense. Around 6pm, Mr. Mustard and I decided to go out to dinner to enjoy possiby our last night before Ginger arrived. We made it to the doors of the restaurant when I decided we really needed to go to the hospital instead!



So, we braved rush hour traffic in Los Angeles, and arrived at the hospital around 7:30pm on Wednesday night. My contractions were about 2 minutes apart. They checked me and I was already 4.5 cm dilated! Contractions intensified, and my water broke on its own at the hospital around 1 am. I wanted to let labor go on its own without the aid of pitocin or other drugs, so that's what we did! A few hours later, Ginger Sunshine Urth was born into the hands of Dr. K at 4:15 am on Thursday morning, healthy and perfect in every way!



These pictures were taken a few hours after she was born! She came out clean, like she'd just taken a bath!



We are so grateful for this little girl, and not a moment goes by that we don't look at her with complete happiness for the gift she is to our family. There is much more to say, but we just got home from the hosptial and I would rather snuggle her than write, so this will have to do for now. :-)

Until then, a few more pictures taken at the hospital right after birth!

Let The Sun Shine!

On Tuesday, after my doctor's appointment, we spent the afternoon at the park. In these pictures, I am 38 weeks, 3 days pregnant with our little baby.

Paprika has been super attached to me these past few weeks. She is so independent, but when I get too far behind (as is known to happen now since I'm not as fast on my feet as I used to be), she runs back to me and wants to jump into my lap.



I am starting to feel a little bit better, pregnancy-wise. I know the end is in sight. After being pregnant for about a year and a half, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And the light is calling my name! I am so ready to meet our little baby.



I can't wait to hold this newest one in my arms. Until then, I have a few other loves keeping me company. Mr. Mustard and Paprika are doing a great job of making me laugh and keeping my spirits bright.



Life is pretty great at the moment. After the hardest year, filled with very dark days and immense sadness, it feels like the sun is starting to shine. It feels warm and good...and we are grateful!

38 Week Appointment!

Yesterday, I had my 38 week doctor's appointment. Our baby is measuring by ultrasound at 8 pounds 9 ounces, which could be off by a pound or so. The amniotic fluid levels continue to look good. Not much progress has been made...but that could all change very quickly, of course!

Mr. Mustard and Paprika accompanied me to the appointment. Paprika entertained herself in the waiting room by reading Vanity Fair. She found it very interesting!



When she was done with that, Mr. Mustard took her downstairs for a treat while I had my appointment. Paprika had a pretty great time- cookies are preferable to a Dr.'s office visit any day of the week!



On the way home, we stopped at the park and gardens and had a great afternoon enjoying the bright sunshine. Love days like this!

Labor Progressing?

I've been feeling contractions pretty regularly since last night. They are strong, but come and go and aren't too regular yet. Sometimes they are very painful, and they are usually accompanied by strong back pain.

I don't know if all these contractions are doing anything, or if it's just false labor. We were tempted to jump in the car last night and drive to the hospital, but the last thing I wanted to do was go down there and get turned away because it's still too soon.

I am looking forward to my doc appointment this week- hopefully he will tell me that I'm ready to go! Doubtful, but I can hope, right?



In the meantime, we've been tying up loose ends around the house as we wait for baby. Paprika has been all over the map with her sleeping...I think she senses big changes are coming. She didn't fall asleep last night til after 3 am, then was up at 9 am this morning. Then by 4 pm, she went in her room, got in bed, pulled the covers over herself, and went to sleep.

But still, even with her crazy sleep schedule, she's been pretty active- she's gone with us on many errands today and we even squeezed in a park visit at a brand new playground. She is definitely keeping us busy!

37 Week Appointment

Yup, I'm still here. I just got home from my doctor's appointment, and basically, it looks like I won't be going into labor anytime soon. Cervix is closed, 3.7 cm long, and baby is still very high up at about a -3 station. When I was at the hospital, the nurse said I was 1-2cm dilated, but according to Dr. K, I'm not. I don't know what all those contractions were about: a lot of drama with no big payoff!

Dr. K did an ultrasound to check fluid levels, and to make sure things are still looking good.

The baby is now estimated by ultrasound to weigh about 8 pounds, 4 ounces. The baby's head is measuring 9.7 cm in diameter. Overall, for growth, the baby is about the size of an average baby at 40w5d.

The ultrasound was really wonderful. The baby was wiggling toes, and that was very fun to watch. Precious!

Paprika and Mr. Mustard arrived back safe and sound from Santa Barbara last night. I was only away from them for one night, but it seemed like a lot longer! It is wonderful having them home. Grandma Pat watched Paprika while I was down here in Los Angeles resting- and I am so grateful for that! It really eased my mind to know Paprika was being taken care of by someone who loves her so much.

I am taking it easy and enjoying this last stretch of being pregnant. I have my next appointment in a week and until then, it's just a waiting game! We are busy setting up all the baby's things and getting Paprika excited about the birth.