You Don't Need To Go Anywhere To Be Happy!

Last weekend we went to a park nearby called The Wilderness Park.  It's one of the girls' favorite parks, even though there isn't much to it.  I took this picture at that park years ago - I still love it:




The Wilderness Park is basically a little forest inside the city - except that well, usually there are more people than wildnerness.  Whenever I go, I am always a little disappointed because there are (gasp!) people there.  I want it to be empty - and that is rarely the case.

It occured to me that I am focusing on the Wilderness part of the name.  If I focused on the Park part of it, I could manage my expectations.  At a park (and one in the city, no less), you expect people to be there. 

I heard once that the key to being happy in life is low expectations.  My friend Ann thinks this is cynical.  But maybe there is some truth to it.  Once I managed my expectations of the park, and accepted that it's not Yosemite...I had a much better time!  It's just a little park, I think I was expecting too much from it.  Haha.




Paprika is back at school after Winter Break, and of course, everyone is talking about where they went. Ski trips. Cabo. Paris. Wherever. We stayed home! Well, not always at home...but we didn't travel anywhere unless you count our little day in Montecito.

But even without going anywhere, I feel happy. Complete. The thing that doesn't change wherever I am is me.

I can be here or there.

On a mountain or looking over a mountain of laundry.

The choice to be happy resides inside of me.

It's pretty powerful once you grab hold of that, although I can assure you some days I still wish for that mountaintop over the mountain of laundry. ;-)





I think sometimes in the past, I have built up that I need to do THIS or THAT amazing thing or go somewhere exotic to find happiness.

But really, I do know that I can be just as miserable there as I can be here.

And even when I do get to go on that exciting trip, that's no guarantee I'll be happy. If I've let expectations run wild with that place needing to be perfect (especially after I've built it up in my head) - I'm almost sure to fall flat on my face.

Especially since I tell myself this may be the ONE time I get to EVER do that. When I focus on scarcity, it's never a good thing. :-)





So, back to this day at the Wilderness Park. When we arrived, Baby Violet had just fallen asleep in the van. We didn't want to wake her, and the usual thing is for me to stay in the van with her. I pretty much always wait in the van with her while Mr. M takes the big girls to the park. When Violet wakes up, I catch up with them.

But on this day, Mr. M said he'd stay in the car (and catch up on email on his phone and possibly nap) while I took the girls into the park. It was such a gift.

For the two hours that Violet napped, I had this glorious afternoon with Paprika and Ginger.

We crossed the stream (over and over) on a log:

 

We fed the koi in the pond:

 

I helped them climb trees and learned that Ginger really has no fear!  :-)

 

The girls  pretended the tree stumps were dinosaurs, and that we found a nest of baby dinosaur eggs nearby that needed rescuing.

 


It was - in a word - magical.

We didn't need to go to Yosemite. Everything was beautiful, just as it was. Right here. It was enough. All the girls cared about was me being present with them. They didn't notice the other people at the park, and after awhile, neither did I.




It's taken me a long time not to wish my life away, by waiting for conditions to be perfect, or thinking things would be okay only if this or that happened.

The truth is that I still have down days. I still have days where I am incredibly sad for what has been lost. But being sad doesn't change anything. It won't make Vivian and Annemarie live again.

I am quite determined to live every moment of my life completely - and that starts right where I am.   Not in a magical, imaginary future place.  The only moment I have is now, and that's what makes it perfect.




The End.

Last and First!

Our New Year's Eve and New Year's Day could not have been any more different!  The picture above was taken at our spot I'm calling "Burrito Beach."  I call it that because our new "thing" to do over the last few months is to go pick up burritos with the girls and drive the van over to this spot.  Then we roll down the windows and eat in the van, overlooking the ocean. 

You might wonder why we stay in the van when it's so beautiful - and well, that's because it's SO much more peaceful for us to eat when the girls are strapped into their carseats.  Hahahaha!  Plus, usually Baby Violet has fallen asleep in the car, and we don't want to wake her up.  ;-)


Anyhoo- New Year's Eve was Mr. M's birthday!  Here is Ginger eating pancakes on that morning, with Baby Violet causing trouble.  Violet is always trying to steal Ginger's food...no matter how many times we move her off of Ginger's chair, she always climbs right back on:





Around the time that photo was taken, Mr. M threw his back out horribly.  It was so awful.  He was in such pain...I've never seen him in so much pain!  He usually refuses all medications (even Tylenol) - but he was requesting to go to the hospital.  So, I knew it was bad.

I took him to Urgent Care and he waited about two hours to get care (on his birthday!) - then we went to the Pharmacy and after I waited in line forever, they told me to come back in an hour.  In the meantime, we went and got burritos, and drove around (Ginger was asleep). 

When we went back to the Pharmacy, I noticed the name of the medication seemed SO familiar.  I could not figure out why until we got home and I realized that they had given Mr. M the same pain medications that Daisy had for her spay/neuter surgery...and we still had a bottle of that kicking around.  It was the same doseage even!

So, had I known THAT ahead of time, we could have saved ourselves serious time and money, and he could have just taken Daisy's dog meds.  Live and learn.





So, after we got home, Mr. M settled into bed with a movie and we made him some fresh squeezed veggie juice.  Grandma Pat bought this juicer for us for Christmas, and we love it.  Love. 

Ginger is our resident juicer.  It's a whole other topic, but basically, Ginger is going to be fine in this life, I just know it.  You know that saying:  God Bless The Child That's Got Her Own?  Yup, that's Ginger.  There is nothing she can't do - she is so stubborn, and MY GOSH...the will of that child is incredible.  Organized, and ON it.  If you ask her to put away the toys, she's done it before Paprika's had a chance to complain about how hard it is.  Ginger helps me with the laundry, does the dishes, makes her own sandwiches, gets herself dressed, cleans out her own potty. 

And she makes juice!  Great juice.  She loves to do it, too.  She is all business! ;-)





So, after Ginger made a beautiful glass of juice, I went down to sit with Mr. M.  As we were deep in conversation, I looked over to find him snoring.  He slept for about six hours - and a few times I went into check on him and we talked...but later he remembered nothing of it. 

Now, this was New Year's Eve, mind you!  I was feeling a little sorry for all of us  - I was trying to keep the kids quiet while he was woozy-snoozing.  The kids were so excited about the holiday - but we don't have a TV (so we couldn't even watch the Ball drop)- and I didn't want to leave the house with Mr. M being so sick.

Eventually (around 10:30pm) - I stuck Daisy in the bedroom while I was fixing some food for the girls.  Daisy was so worried about Mr. M that she jumped onto the bed and started licking him all over - probably thinking he was dead. 

So, that woke him up.  He wanted to grab a pizza - but he couldn't drive and I didn't want to go out by myself to pick it up (nowhere to park) - so after I took a quick shower, all five of us loaded into the van to go to the pizza place.  When we got there, Mr. M was in too much pain to get out of the van- so I went in to get the pizza.  It was about 11:30pm - I had wet hair (from the shower), no makeup, and was not wearing my wedding rings. 

I picked up the X-Large pizza and was standing on the curb when this guy out of nowhere came up to me and started hitting on me!  He seemed like a really nice guy- and I saw him look at my ring finger just before he started chatting me up.  We stood there FOREVER (where was Mr. M?!) - and I didn't want to say "Hey, I'm Married!"  - because I didn't want to assume anything.  But at the same time, it was so obvious.  After a few moments of this awkwardness (which seemed like an eternity) - Mr. M came around the corner in the van with all three kids in the back and I was all:  "Well, there's my ride!"  :-) 

Mr. M was cracking up and then of course asked me:  Was he drunk? 

For the record, he was NOT!  Haha.





The next day - New Year's Day - we roadtripped up to Montecito for a friend's New Year's Party.  Mr. M was feeling much better and the doggie pain meds had worn off - so that was good.  The party was lovely  - the girls had a great time - the food was amazing, and it was perfect all around.  We stayed over four hours at the party and the girls fell asleep on the car ride back to LA. 

Here's a picture from the van I took driving up the coast.  It really doesn't do it justice.  The view was spectacular in real life:




So, that was our New Year's - The Last Day of 2012 and The First Day of 2013. :-)

Mr. M really deserves a do-over for his birthday. It was awful. No one died or anything (how I judge every good/bad day) - but still...he was so miserable and slept during most of his special day.

I forgot to add: on New Year's Eve we all rang in the New Year together at midnight - and the girls (and Daisy) went outside and banged pots and pans. Our neighbor across the street was also outside banging, so it was a little symphony. After the banging, Paprika and Ginger both said it was the BEST New Year's Eve ever! So, it really doesn't take much to make them happy, does it? Haha! :-)

Takes A Licking - Keeps On Ticking!

Baby Violet is 13 months old - she'll be 14 months in a few days (on the 9th).  She is just a smidge over one year old, and I am in amazement of her personality and all the things she can do.

She has such a passion for music.  I have never seen anyone love music quite as much as she does.  I hope she has a beautiful singing voice - how great would that be?  I guess time will tell!  She loves playing the piano and loves to listen to all kinds of music...from K-Pop to Classical. 

She loves to dance ad play dress-up.  She loves wearing tutus and pretending to be a ballerina.  I still think of her as  a teeny baby, but clearly she has other ideas! ;-)





She is a great kisser.  If you say, "Hey Violet, give me a kiss!" - she will run up to you and plant one on you.  She will only give you a kiss when she wants to, though.  If she's not in the mood, she will nod her head "No" a few times and walk away.  Haha!





She has so many teeth.  She has basically all of her teeth, except maybe one or two here and there.  I have never seen anything like it.  She has this mouth full of teeth - a little perfectly straight white smile.  She loves brushing her teeth and will often go into the bathroom, climb up on the stepstool, and start brushing her teeth by herself.  She will even get out the kiddie toothpaste.  She is amazing!





She is so incredibly smart.  Really smart.  She understands everything, and if you ask her to do something, she knows just what you're saying.  So, if I ask her to go get the diapers...she'll go get the diapers, the wipes, the Desitin...hand them to me and lay down on the floor.  Then when it's all said and done, she takes the old diaper to the trash and throws it away.  I told Mr. M she's ready to potty train and I was only half joking.  ;-)  Or if I say, "It's cold outside, you need a jacket," - she will go and find a jacket and try to put it on.  Same for shoes.  Before I know it, she'll be making us all lunch.  :-)




Part of it is that she loves doing whatever her big sisters are doing.  So, she wants to sit at the big table in a big chair (NOT her high chair - gasp!)  She gets really frustrated if she is treated like a "baby" - she doesn't see herself that way at all. 

Here she is helping Ginger "decorate" Daisy.  :-)




One other thing that's pretty remarkable about Baby Violet is how tough she is.  Seriously, she is one tough cookie.  She is so rough and tumble - she is fearless, always climbing - and when she takes a tumble, she just gets right back up and starts over.

This morning she was playing in the backyard with her sisters and she was stung by a bee.  I was in the kitchen putting away groceries, and Paprika ran in to tell me.  I went outside and sure enough, Violet had a huge purple welt on her forehead with a sting mark in the middle.  I am not sure if it was a wasp or a bee, or what.  So, I ran to Violet and thought for sure she would be crying, but she just looked up at me like:  What?!  :-)  And then she went right on playing.

On Friday afternoon, she climbed on something when my back was turned and fell and her nose was bleeding.  I was freaking out (inside) - but she was just smiling up at me after her fall, blood running down her cheek.  I wiped her nose and she went back to playing like nothing ever happened.

We like to say:  She takes a licking and keeps on ticking. She really is an unstoppable force of joy and nothing gets in her way!




Needless to say, I spend most of my time running after her and keeping her from hurting herself.  Even though our house is babyproofed, she always manages to find something to get into - and she loves, loves, loves to climb.  She (just like her older sisters) is a great climber, and loves to find her way to the tippy top of anything she can. 

Her favorite thing to do now is to climb up onto a dining room chair, then from the chair up onto the top of the dining table.  I have started putting the chairs ontop of the table (like a restaurant at closing time) just to keep her off the tabletop!

It's funny because at this age, Paprika also loved to climb, but now Paprika has a real fear of heights.  Ginger is still a big climber (yesterday at the park she climbed a bunch of tall trees!) - So, I wonder if this is just a normal toddler thing to want to do and something she will outgrow, or if one day she'll be a rockclimber.  Who knows!





She has a big sense of humor and can make anything into a toy.  This was late on New Year's Eve - she found a giftbag hanging around the house and was playing peek-a-boo with me.  She could have done it forever...she thought it was so hilarious. :-)



In the past month, she has dropped down to one nap/day.  She naps for an hour or so in the afternoon.  Then falls asleep around midnight, awake at 9:30am.  She also wakes up a few times at night to nurse still.  That's pretty typical for our kids at this age - I can't compare myself to others who have 5 year old kids who still take a nap.  Not us! 

I know that within 6-8 months, she will drop that one nap entirely.  Part of me will miss the napping, but the other part will be glad to have full days to do outings when we don't have to worry about her missing her nap.





She loves food - and is very adventurous with what she will eat.  That being said, she loves chocolate.  At Christmas, Santa brought the grown-ups each a bag of Lindt Dark Chocolate Truffles- and once Violet had a taste, she could not be stopped!  I left a bag on the table, and a few minutes later, it was gone!  I looked over to find that she had swiped the bag and was unwrapping all the chocolate balls and eating them! 

She is still nursing quite a bit - I am hoping to keep that going until she's at least two (like I did with the older girls).  So far, she shows no signs of wanting to give that up, so we will continue.





Oh, and one last thing - she LOVES shoes now!  Haha.  She went through that whole barefoot thing for so long - her not wanting to wear shoes.  I can hardly remember it because now she loves shoes, and wants to wear them all the time.  She even tries to wear Ginger and Paprika's shoes.  It's amazing how quickly things change, which is why I am glad I am writing things down now...it is going by too fast! 


The End.

Gingerbread and Nutcracker!

Busy, busy, busy!  I have so much catching up to do from the last week- the first week of the New Year has been packed.

Last Saturday (yup, over a week ago now!) - Grandma Pat came down for a little visit.  The girls had been waiting to put together their Gingerbread House with her.  It's become a yearly project - I think Pat is always the one who gets the privilege of building it with the girls.  ;-)





It's just the Trader Joe's one out of the box - this A-Frame has become a Christmas tradition around here! 




Baby Violet was a bit destructive, so she had to be removed from decorating!  Haha!  She took the sprinkles and used them to decorate our kitchen floor.  Even though it's been a week, I keep finding sprinkles on the floor.  I think we'll be finding them when Violet graduates high school. ;-)






It still looked pretty great even without the sprinkles:





So, that took the better part of the afternoon.  As you can see, all the girls had a wonderful time with Grandma - especially Baby Violet.  :-)




Then, in the evening, Paprika, Pat, and I all went to see Los Angeles Ballet's performance of The Nutcracker.  Mr. M stayed home with Ginger and Baby Violet.  I knew that Ginger (age 3) and Violet (age 1) would not be able to sit through a two hour performance.  I might try to take Ginger next year.  We shall see.

But, this year Paprika got to go on a special date with Grandma Pat and me.  It was fantastic!  It was Paprika's third year going to The Nutcracker  - and she did great.  I knew she would.  She would have sat through it 12 more times if we'd let her.

Here is the curtain right before the show started.  We were in the second row, center.  Best seats ever!





And here is Paprika with her little souvenier Nutcracker from the show.  I want to make it a tradition to get one every year we go - last year the Nutcracker was blue and gold.  She'll have quite a little collection before all is said and done.




So, that was our Nutcracker outing - a great success all around!  I have a lot of blog catching up to do this week - we had a very exciting New Year's Eve and New Year's Day!  Next week Paprika goes back to school and it's back to the routine.  What a great Winter Break it's been.  :-)

The End.

13 Goals for 2013!

We spent the day today at my favorite beach.  It was a huge breath of fresh air (literally) - and it gave me time to reflect on my goals for 2013.  I know a lot of people don't like to do resolutions, but I am not one of them.  Haha.


No really, I like to start off the year with a little reflection.  Here's what I'm working on for 2013:




1) I will not visit People.com or Perez Hilton or look at any gossip magazine (online or in print). 

I know this sounds kind of funny, and really I'm so much better about it now than I was years ago (when I ate that stuff up!)  The problem is that 1) it leads me to compare myself to others in an unrealistic and awful way, and 2) that stuff is just garbage.

If I have downtime, I want to focus on things that matter - things that are real.  Things that uplift me.  Things that contribute to my wellness and happiness.  Things that are affirming and connecting.





2) I will not compare myself with others.  Period.

It is true what they say:  Comparison is the thief of joy.  I find that I am so much happier when I focus on the wonderful things I have right here in front of me and not focus on what I don't have.





3)  I will want what I have.

Since I'm throwing around aphorisms, another one is true:  The grass is greenest where you water it.

My life is not perfect, but it is perfect for me.  I don't need to waste energy wishing things were a different way. The life I have built is enough - it is beautiful and while it's not always ideal, I won't waste a moment wishing it were different.  It is my life and it is enough.  :-)





4) I will take one family photos of all five of us once/month (12 photos/year).

This one takes a little planning - it means either asking someone to take our picture or getting out the tripod and using the timer.  It will happen!  I especially cherish all the photos I have of all five of us together - so I want to make that a priority. 






5) I will continue to pare down uneccessary possessions - simplifying, decluttering, and de-owning. 

We live in a little beach bungalow.  We have five people and a big doggie.  I used to think I wanted a bigger house.  But now I realize I really don't want a bigger house.  I love us being cozy and close in our little cottage.  I don't want the hassle of a big house. 

The only reason we'd get a bigger house is so it could hold more stuff.  The more stuff you have, the more you have to clean it, take care of it, maintain it.  I don't want to spend my life as a STUFF manager.  I'd rather spend my time doing other things...like going to the beach! ;-)

 


6) I will be mindful when I'm buying new things - because there's no point in simplifying if you just buy more STUFF.

Enough said.




7) In my interactions with my kids and husband, I will take the path that strengthens our relationship/bond.

This is something I already work on a lot - and it's something I want to strive to do better.  Basically, when I am in a tough spot with one of my family members, I will  take the road that strengthens rather than denigrades our relationship.





8) I will focus on being healthy and balanced.  So, I will enjoy food responsibly (haha) and not worry about a number on the scale.





9) I will be present in my life.

I won't spend time ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.  I will be in this moment - living every second (the good, bad, hard, and joyous times).  I will not wish a second of it away for another time - because every moment has an equal value and once it is gone...it is gone.






10) I will not worry about what other people think about me, my kids, my parenting, my house, etc.

I will dance like no one's watching, and if people want to judge me or make fun of me, then that's their business.  I really can't waste one second of my precious life worrying about what other people think.






11) I will be authentic and vulnerable in my relationships.

I will risk, put myself out there, and work to connect with others - even though it won't always work out.  I might be cast aside, made fun of, ignored, and ridiculed.  It's okay.  Really.  See  #10.

The upside is that if I am authentic and put my true self out there, I have the chance to make incredible, real connections with others.  And isn't that what life's about anyway?
 




12) I will cast aside fear and choose JOY.  Always.

I will find joy in this moment. These moments add up to a year and these years add up to my life!

It's true: Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." -Guillaume Apollinaire





13)  Eat more veggies.  Drink more water.

You knew I was going to say that, right?!  Haha.

Happy 2013!

The End.